Why not me?
Loss of a friend
or family member shakes our sense of well-being. Our initial disbelief that
such a tragedy can occur transforms first to anger and then survivor’s guilt. The
Aurora, Colorado movie theatre shooting sharpens our perception of mortality.
Let’s explore
the grieving process. Losing a friend or family member is one of the most
distressing events in life. Bereavement transports us through a dark tunnel of sorrow,
numbness, and guilt.
Dr.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross describes the six stages of grief as denial, isolation,
anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
*Denial
leads to isolation and withdrawal from social contacts.
*We
become angry at someone or something perceived as the perpetrator of death,
even if there may have been nothing to prevent it.
*The
griever might “bargain
with God” to reverse the loss.
*Depression and sadness follow.
*We accept the loss when anger and
sadness fade.
However, not everyone moves
through these five stages, and the stages might not be chronological.
“Complex grief” is more intricate. It is characterized by:
*Intense longing for the
deceased.
*Difficulty accepting death, with prolonged
sorrow and bitterness.
*Withdrawal from social
activities, lack of trust, irritability, and agitation.
*Suicidal thoughts.
People with complex grief might not
recover from their symptoms. If so, social interaction and job performance
suffers.
There
is, however, encouraging news. Psychotherapy helps with adjustment to loss, redefining
life goals, coping skills, and reduction of blame and guilt. Prescription
anti-depressants improve mood, sleep, energy, concentration, and appetite.
Stay
connected with friends, coworkers, and relatives. Support groups provide
sharing, comfort, and new relationships.
Limit
solitary activities at the TV or computer. Minimize exposure to the news if an
event is broadcast 24/7. Take up a sport or new hobby.
Don’t
forget that exercise relieves stress and anxiety. Stay connected with friends,
coworkers, and relatives. Support groups provide experience sharing, comfort,
and new relationships.
If you are out of touch with
spiritual practices and beliefs that were once meaningful to you, get connected
with a church or synagogue. Those with religious support survive tragedy
psychologically more intact.
Take care of your health, and get
a physical if it has been a while.
A useful website
is “The Grief Recovery Institute Guidance Center”:
"Death leaves a heartache no one
can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal". From an Irish headstone.
